Life Doesn’t Fit in a File Folder

The person who won the iPad cover giveaway is…

Darla from She’s a Maineiac.

Okay Darla, you’ve got to email me your mailing address, so I can ship that baby off to you.

You will not be sorry.

And thanks to my friend Michael Hess (and Skooba) for sponsoring that post.

My husband bought me an iPad for my birthday. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. I mean, I already had an iPhone. How different can this be? I wondered.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I immediately fell in love with it.

{I would have kissed it except it would have left lip prints on the screen.}

Suddenly, I could read blogs, read books, get email and play Words With Friends — without my glasses.

But here’s the thing.

I am kind of lax when it comes to taking care of my toys.

When Hubby gave me the iPad, he made me promise I would get a good protective cover.

I didn’t.

My friend, Michael Hess, Founder and C.E.O. of Skooba Design told me he would give me an iPad cover; I just had to visit his warehouse. A few months passed, and I finally got my act together and went to Skooba which is about eleventy-bajillion miles from my house.

(And by that, I mean about 6 miles.)

When I got out there, Michael graciously told me I could have any iPad cover I wanted. Seeing as he was being so generous, I pushed our friendship to the limits and asked him if I could have another cover to use for a giveaway on my blog. (Can you believe my nerve? Oy!)

If you have an iPad, I’m guessing you love it and you know that you’ve got to protect that sucker.

But in case you just got one or you are planning to get one for yourself or someone you love, here is the chance to win the best iPad cover in the world.

Seriously.

Because everything at Skooba is fabulous.

The one I use is the tablet sized neo-skin with handles shown in the picture below.

Cool, right?

The one I’m giving away on March 8, 2012 is a navy blue sheath with a gray pocket.

In addition to being the head honcho at Skooba, Michael is an amazing public speaker. He has visited my classroom as a guest lecturer to talk to my students, and I can tell you they appreciate the way he explains the importance of possessing solid communication skills in today’s competitive job market.

Michael also happens to write a twice-weekly small business column for CBS News. He has many fantastic pieces, but — as a educator — my favorite is “Hey, watch your language, will ya’?”

To have a chance at winning the free iPad cover:

1. Read Michael’s blog post and leave a comment here. Tell me something about his piece that interested you. Or you found funny. Or irritating. (I’m guessing Michael will be reading along, too.) Do this before March 7, 2012 at 6 PM EST and receive 1 vote.

**For additional chances to win the iPad cover:

2. LIKE my Facebook page and get 1 vote. If you have already LIKED my page, remind me in your comment.

3. Share this story on Twitter, and I will give you 2 additional chances to win. Feel free to copy and paste the following text: I just entered to win a free iPad cover from @Skooba via @rasjacobson — and include the link. If you do this properly, I will see it on Twitter.

4. Share this story on a public Facebook page — not mine — I will give you 3 entries. (Just be sure to come back and tell me which page you posted it on!)

I will make a big ole Excel spread sheet, and then Random Number Generator will do all the work for me. I’ll announce the winner on March 8, 2012. If the winner doesn’t contact me to claim the prize within 48 hours of being selected, a new winner will be chosen.

Oh, and if you would like to order something else from Skooba, Michael has been kind enough to extend the promotional code TWITS20 to my readers so you can receive 20% off any order of $50 or more (plus free shipping via UPS in 48 states) through the end of March.

How cool is that?

I told you March came in like a lion.

Rawr!

Tweet This Twit @rasjacobson

Skooba provided me with two iPad covers for this promotion. I am keeping one. The opinions expressed here are my own. 

Way back in September, Leanne Shirtliffe (aka: Ironic Mom) asked me when I might want to have the Things make a stop in Rochester on their Excellent Adventure, and I knew I wanted them during the winter. Duh!

There is so much to do here when there is snow. I figured we would go skiing, make snow critters, go sledding and ice-skating, have them help us make snow tunnels, and bring them inside to a roaring fire. You get the idea. When Leanne contacted me in December, I had to decline her offer because there was no snow in Rochester. She asked me again a few weeks later, and while we were still without snow – I figured by the time the Things made it to me, we’d certainly have some white stuff. But as anyone from this part of the United States can tell you, the weather this year has been positively wonky. Here is a pictorial about our time with the Things.

I swear Rochester is usually much more fun than is perhaps depicted here. Maybe.

• • •

In Rochester, this season,

winter’s been strangely mild.

No sledding, no skiing.

for adult or for child.

When one day,

I found I had nothing to do

I opened my door

And found Things 1 and 2.

They were positively chilled

Having spent the night outside

So I brought them in our home

To entertain them, we tried.

We wanted to show the Things

A most wonderful day.

We took off to Great Places

We took off and away.

We drove to Lake Ontario.

We drove with great care.

And though I said, “Pull over carefully!”

Hubby pulled over There.

When he parked There in that spot

Hubby rolled over a bolt.

And when his tire popped,

We felt the horrible jolt.

The Things knew stuff like this happens

As things sometimes do

So they didn’t worry,

No, they didn’t stew.

They played in the tires

That had been stacked, just so.

They played until the people

At the tire shop said, “Go.”

The next morning I found the Things

They were quite a sight.

They’d gotten into some trouble.

(I’d suspected they might.)

They’d found some bracelets from GoGuiltyPleasures

and seemed a little low.

But I untangled them and told them

we’d more places to go.

We took the Things to George Eastman House

Home of Kodak fame

I explained that if it hadn’t been for George

Picture taking wouldn’t be the same.

We all began to shiver

So we drove to our favorite diner.

The Things showed good manners and exclaimed:

“This coffee couldn’t be finer!”

We took the Things to Lock 33

On the Canal called Erie.

We had no mule whose name was Sal

And the Things were mighty weary.

Still, we took them to Wegmans Market

Best grocery store under the sky,

And once inside the Things perked up

There were so many things to try.

Jimmy from Produce loved The Things

They thought the store was swell.

They hid in the red peppers

And in a pile of lobster shells.

We took the Things to temple.

To show them how services were led.

They were very respectful

And wore one yarmulke on top of their heads.

One night the Things seemed homesick.

I saw a tear near Thing 1’s eye.

I pulled out a postcard of the Rockies

and brought out the Canada Dry.

The next day, miraculously

the snow – it had arrived!

And Thing 1 and Thing 2

seemed amazingly revived.

They watched Tech Support at Rochester Fencing Club.

And even took a class.

And while they loved their toothpick sabers

They decided to take a pass.

We took the Things skiing

They liked to go vroom

They liked when I went very fast

So I zigged and zagged and zoomed!

When their stay was over

We said splendiferous goodbyes.

We gave the Things good scrub downs

And gave each other high-fives.

As I shoved placed them in an envelope

addressed for their next temporary stay

We agreed we would miss those Things

and sent them safely on their way!

**NOTE: The snow melted the minute I sent the Things overseas to their next destination. Yup, they are headed to Switzerland to begin the European leg of their Tour! {Watch the news for “global weirding” in Europe.}

To read more about where the Things have been so far, click HERE.

So what would you have liked to have done with me and the Things? In Rochester, New York? In February? With no snow? IYKWIM.

Tweet this Tweet @rasjacobson

Working on my fiction! This week’s prompt spoke to me so I decided to give it a whirl. We were asked to let a character be inspired by music. I had to show in 400 words or less how my character responds to a piece of music.

• • •

The music rolls upward in smoky circles toward lights covered in red-cellophane.  On the floor below, a man and a woman sit side by side at a tiny round table. Dressed in black, they look sharp together.  The two have had several bottles of wine, and the woman has draped her bare legs over his thighs. He pushes against her and something rises inside me, a longing perhaps to be touched like that. And always, the music, it pumps.

While the drummer fans his cymbals, I watch the woman teasing her man, and I feel like I am watching some kind of primitive human mating ritual. From out of nowhere, she is shouting. Her voice rises over the music, and her fingers open and close as she clutches the air around her.

Suddenly, he pushes her legs off his lap; he is on his feet, taking long strides towards the back of the club. I look to see her reaction but I can’t see her face because her hair blocks her eyes. I see now that she is drunk, that she is crying, choking on her sadness. Help her, I look around wildly. Someone help her; she is too beautiful to cry.

The waitress comes and whispers something in the woman’s ear. For a moment I can’t tell whose ear is whose; they are a collage of interchangeable body parts, two women, two strangers come together in the darkness. The woman owes for the bottles of wine, and she takes out her wallet to pay. A few papers fall on the floor, but she doesn’t notice or — if she does — she doesn’t care.

The waitress leaves, and the woman dabs at her eyes with a cocktail napkin. She checks her watch, but never turns around: never turns to see where he might be. Or where he might not be. After what seems like an eternity of jazz, he returns to his chair as if he has only been gone a moment, not some small eternity. Staring into the dark hole of the horn player’s trumpet, he taps his foot to the beat.

The music quiets. The man says something I can’t decipher, words that cause the woman to rise. Tall and curved, she reaches for her purse. When she looks for him, he is three-paces ahead of her. Teetering on too high heels, cigarette smoke swirls around her and, for a moment, she recognizes the toxic funk she is in, a low vibration or a blue note from the bass player’s strings.

How do you feel about people who are drunk in public?

There were 171 entries to this bracelet contest via comments, Facebook and Twitter.

The winner of the cutey bracelet giveaway was determined by a Random Number Generator used in conjunction with my Excel Spreadsheet

The winning number was:

And the person attached to that number is Lisha from The Lucky Mom.

I’ll be in touch with you soon.

*For reals.*

Because – and this is where life gets weird – I am going to New Orleans in about a week, and Lisha lives in a nearby suburb. We have been talking about getting together while I’m down there, and I think (I hope) I am actually going to meet her in real life! How crazy is that?

I wish I had the bracelet so that I could deliver it personally to her door.

Like they do with Publishers Clearinghouse Giveaway Sweepstakes.

She would have been all “Who the hell are you?” excited, and it would have made for a great “How We Met” post.

Hopefully, we’ll get our schedules to sync up so we can collaborate on something.

So congratulations again to Lisha!

Check out Lisha’s blog and follow her very popular Facebook Page.

I started getting migraines when I was about 14 years old. The first time, my father came in my room to find me writhing on the floor. It is my understanding that I howled. My father squeezed my head, vise-like, between his magical hands.

He got me to relax, so I could sleep off the pain.

But my migraines continued, relentlessly, for decades — until they stopped.

After I had Tech Support, my migraines disappeared completely.

I joked that having a baby was a miracle migraine cure. I could eat bleu cheese again. I could eat chocolate and drink red wine — not that I’ve ever been a big red wine fan, but I could have chocolate – as well as lots of other foods that had been considered verboten for so long.

And then it happened.

The headaches came back.

Once a month like uninvited guests, frequently appearing at 5 am, they came with clunky shoes and suitcases and set up shop with their giant hammers inside my head. Sometimes they wouldn’t leave for two or three days.

Once, Tech Support came home from school to find me on the floor, crying and banging my head against the wood floor.

I’m pretty sure I ruined him for life scared him.

Because he called my husband.

When my husband came home, I begged him to kill me.

I asked him to buy a gun and kill me.

To please buy a rifle and put it in my mouth and pull the trigger.

I said all of this in front of Tech Support.

(Which was probably not good.)

But I couldn’t help myself.

(I never claimed to be strong.)

As my husband stabbed my leg with IMITREX, he told me to make an appointment with my doctor.

I got an MRI.

Everything looked good.

I was incredulous.

How was that possible?

How could my brain hurt that much and be perfectly fine?

So I became really good friends with my neurologist who put me on Topomax, which has been a wonder drug for me.

My migraines stopped almost immediately. I take the lowest possible dose of the medication –15 mg in a “sprinkle capsule” — a dose not infrequently prescribed for children.

The hardest thing about being on Topomax is that is kills my appetite.

And it is really hard to go grocery shopping when nothing looks appealing.

So our refrigerator is nearly always empty.

It is difficult to cook meals – something I used to love to do. I remember fussing over chicken enchiladas with tomatoes and cilantro, a little yellow rice. Spooning spinach salad with onions and pomegranate seeds, taking care about plating them on my rainbow-color Fiesta Ware plates.

Tech Support took Health class last year where he learned how important it is to eat three healthy meals a day.

Now he worries about my lack of calories like a Jewish grandmother.

“Taste this,” he implores pushing a forkful of something at my face. “You have to eat, Mom!”

Sometimes I try a bite.

But sometimes I don’t eat anything.

Not a single morsel. All day.

It’s very hard to eat when you feel full.

I know a lot of people who suffer from migraines, and everyone has a slightly different variation on a theme. Some people get a visual aura. If they can catch the headache during this phase, they can sometimes abort it. I think of them as the lucky ones. Some people get ocular headaches. No real pain, just weird visual symptoms. Some people see blue dots. Some people see swirls. Some people vomit. Some people don’t. Some people have migraines and are laid out for days.

That is something beyond my comprehension; I cannot imagine living with that kind of pain.

But I know people do.

So I’ll keep taking my Topomax, keep hoping that I won’t be laid up with an axe-to-the-skull-splitting-migraine while simultaneously praying I’m not cultivating a kidney stone the size of my fist that will one day need to be surgically removed.

Because that can be one of the unfortunate side effects of Topomax.

You can get kidney stones.

And it is my understanding that kidney stones suck way worse than migraines.

Have you ever had a migraine? What are your triggers? And what do you do for relief?

Last week, my friend El Farris of Running From Hell with El ran a little contest in which she asked people to create images of super heroes, willing to fight for a cause.

Today, I was supposed to declare the winner of El’s Strong Enough to Escape From Hell Create Your Own Super Hero Contest.

Except I need your help.

*

Go look at El’s page, then come back here and vote.

If you’d like to, tell me why you think this person is the most deserving of the $20 gift card to Barnes and Noble that I will be providing!

* Yes, I am aware I am missing a question mark in the poll. It is actually there, but apparently I am using up too much space. Darn you, PollDaddy and your narrow margins!

• • •

THE CONTEST IS OVER! ** I think it is obvious that Random Thoughts and Lotsa Coffee has done the job with Super Ma’am! Congratulations! Please send me your contact information so I can mail you your prize!

Today, I did something wrong.

I ate a perfect pear in January.

In this part of the United States, January usually means down jackets, snow pants and polar fleece.

By now, we should have built a snow fort or two; our weekends should involve ski slopes and sleds and hot chocolate by blazing fires.

January is supposed to mean batting flakes out of my eyelashes as I go into the grocery store and scraping the ice off my windshield on my way out.

So while the earth is firm under my feet and breathing the air makes me cough, I can still see grass.

We are at a threshold, neither in nor out.

And on this winter morning, as my son slid out the back door wearing a new parka — so blue against the white sky – biting through that pear’s flesh tasted entirely wrong.

The sweet nectar was delicious but wrong.

I tried to be grateful for a summer reminder.

{In subtraction, they would call it the remainder.}

But I’m tired of these remnants, the what’s left sticky residue of summer on my fingers.

Let it be winter already: enough of this in-between.

Is anyone else wishing for full-blown winter?

My spam folder gives me a good giggle. I love it because it protects me from annoying advertisers hawking all kinds of crazy gobbledy-gook.

Until recently, I just deleted everything in my spam folder. But then I got the idea that it would be fun to really examine it and point people back to old posts that they may have missed over the last view months.

First let’s talk about some of my wonderful guests.

Each Wednesday since mid-August, I have been blessed to have wonderful bloggers write about their favorite (or not so favorite) teacher memories for #TWITS — my acronym for “Teachers Who I Think Scored” or “Teachers Who I Think Sucked.”

The guest blogger who earned the most views (and the most comments) — was Tamara Lunardo with “Those Who Can’t Teach.” If you missed it the first time, it’s never too late.

In fact, if you are new to my place, just click Giddy About Guest Posts, and you can read every post in the series. And once someone guest posts for me, he or she wins a place on my blogroll.

Mary Mollica wrote about how she was inspired to create art by her high school art teacher who taught her that her work was “Not To Be Trashed.”

Hey Charlsie, I am a result successful by myself found out the following, too! 😉

Chase McFadden wrote “I Got Lucky” for landing in Mrs. Watne’s class, and some dumb phone accused him of having “tremendous issues.” Stoopid Android. What does he know? He wasn’t even born when Chase was in high school.

Paul Waters wrote “The Good, the Bad & the Naughty” and made us guess which teacher was whom.

I have no idea what this means, but I’m guessing these are sites for adults, if you know what I mean. (IYKWIM)

If you’ll allow me to be a little braggy for a moment, I authored a few posts in 2011 of which I am particularly proud. I was Freshly Pressed with the post “Monkey Has Left the Building” and saw over 7,000 hits to my blog in a 4 day period!

I am proud of my post “No More Bad Hair Days” because I think I have become a more grateful person over the last year as I have come to focus on the many blessings in my life. I got this in my spam folder.

I have no idea about the “effects of allerga of the taxonomic mass” but I am grateful I do not have “rational penas canine” or a “diseased lung.” Wowza.

Two posts inadvertently went together. I wrote a letter “To The Student Who Withdrew Himself” late in the semester, and I apparently ended someone’s four-day hunt. Who knew?

Then I received “A Surprise Response” in the form of a letter from a former student which made my day. And then I got this:

Yup. Porn-spam. And now I will probably get it all the time, whether I want it or not. IYKWIM.

Finally, I’m so glad I was able to write “How Could We Have Known.” It was the first time that Tech Support allowed me to use his image on my blog, but he let me do it because I wanted to enter a contest sponsored by Galit Breen of These Little Waves and Alison at Mama Wants This. And I won! As soon as the New Year rolls around I will contact the folks as Canvas Press and claim my 16″ x 20″ canvas print.

I am proud of two scary-honest guest posts that I did. The first was “Annual Kite Drowning Day,” and I’m grateful that Deb Bryan was able to provide a home for that one at The Monster in Your Closet. My other hard post to write was for Kelly K’s blog I Survived The Mean Girls because I had to admit that “I was a Mean Girl, Sometimes.“

Interestingly enough, the post that people seem to consistently read the most is a post that I wrote a really long time ago. See if you can figure out what it is about:

Clearly, it’s about love.

No, it’s about my 100% completely irrational “Fear of Lice.”

But I think most teachers live with this fear.

Probably.

Thanks to all of you for reading and leaving your comments.

May you all have a happy and lice-free healthy New Year.

I will continue to be inspired your words and do my best to bring you fresh writing in 2012.

Immediately after Thanksgiving, the blogosphere became crammed with posts about How to Find the Perfect Christmas Tree, and Elves on Shelves & What To Get Your Man for Christmas and lots of stuff about Why We Need To Keep Christ in Christmas.

And that’s all cool and everything.

Except I thought: I want some #HanukkahHoopla!

So, I telepathically contacted Jewish bloggers from across the globe.

What?

No, seriously, I am good, but I can’t do that!

But with a little networking via Twitter, I was able to connect with fifteen other Jewish bloggers, each of whom agreed to write something Hanukkah-ishy.

Taken together, you will see we represent a broad range of Jewish experience.

Some of us are Reform. Others are Conservative. Some are Orthodox. Some of us have converted to Judaism.

Two of us are rabbis!

Some of us keep kosher; others, not so much.

We have enjoyed getting to know each other, and this was truly a group effort.

So look for our button.

And leave us comments that will make us kvell.

Why?

Because we are fortunate to have sponsorship for our series! Streit’s and Mama Doni**, the lead singer/songwriter of The Mama Doni Band, have provided each of us with a little #HanukkahHoopla gift pack including:

•Mama Doni’s 2011 Parents’ Choice Award-winning CD, Shabbat Shaboom
•a Mama Doni poster
•a Download card for free Mama Doni songs (1 Chanukah song and 1 Passover song)
•a Bag of Streit’s chocolate Hanukkah gelt.

(**Note: That’s Mama Doni doing her thing in the video above. Isn’t she cute?)

I don’t mean to point out the obvious but that’s sixteen chances to win, people!

You’ll find more information about winning our #cyberswag on individual blogs.

So look for our button.

If you click on it, you should will be magically transported by Jewish unicorns to this page and then you can figure out who has posted and who will be posting next.

For those of you on Twitter, look for the hashtag #HanukkahHoopla because we’ll be tweeting each others’ tushies off between December 20-28.

Below is the schedule for who will be posting and when as well as everyone’s Twitter handle. You can comment on anyone’s blog all the way until the end of the 2011. Winners will be posted on our own blog pages, but they will also be posted here!

Chappy Chanukkah!

Candle 1:

12/20 Leah’s Thoughts @leahs_thoughts Winner: Caryn Statman

12/20 Ima On (and Off)The Bima @imabima Winner: Lisa Goldstein

Candle 2:

12/21 Nina Badzin’s Blog @ninabadzin Winner: Lisa Aronauer

12/21 Diary of a Paper Princess @RishonaMyers Winner: Cari Chartock

Candle 3:

12/22 The Monster in Your Closet @deb_bryan

12/22 Kvetchmom @jlweinberg Winner: Paprika Furstenburg

Candle 4:

12/23 Lessons From Teachers and Twits @rasjacobson Winner: Allison Greenhouse Bronstein

12/23 Life in The Married Lane @rivkisilver – Winner: Meghan @aMegaliLife

Candle 5:

12/24 TheJackB @thejackb

12/24 Erin Margolin @erinmargolin Winner: Andrea Bates @GoodGirlGoneRed

Candle 6:

12/25 These Little Waves @galitbreen Winner: AskDoc

12/25 CiaoMom @ciaomom – Winner: Meryl Ain

Candle 7:

12/26 The Culture Mom @theculturemom Winner: Gigi Gervits Schwartz

12/26 I wish my mom @sharistein – Winner : Sara Hawkins

Candle 8:

12/27 Frume Sarah’s World @frumesarah Winner: Bible Belt Sarah

12/27 Aprons & Blazers @OpenRoadMama Winner: Danielle Kolko

Congratulations to all our winners, and thanks to all our readers!