Life Doesn’t Fit in a File Folder

Were my life a roller coaster ride, I’ve got to tell you, this week has been positively loopy.

And it’s only Thursday.

On Monday, I showed up at my local grocery store, all showered and dressed at 8 am, to discuss catering for my son’s bar mitzvah with a woman named Karen.

Only to learn that my appointment is actually next week at 8 am.

As I stood there, dejected, I received a text from someone telling me that she couldn’t make a coffee date we’d been strenuously trying to set-up.

For months.

Last night, Hubby told me that we cannot have the Friday night dinner before our son’s bar mitzvah at the location we had previously selected.

I cannot even discuss this right now without feeling nauseated.

Because, seriously, where are we going with under 6 weeks left?

Yesterday, I wrote a guest post of which I was particularly proud. Very few people left comments. And that’s okay, except it left me feeling embarrassed and confused. I don’t understand why that content didn’t speak to people. I re-posted it HERE and, for those who may have missed it, I would still be interested in hearing your comments.

Anyway, I was feeling kind of low.

Then I learned it was National Teacher’s Appreciation Week. I had no idea.

One of my former students sent me this comment on my Facebook wall.

So that made me feel better. I mean, I figure if I’m losing my writing mojo, at least my students appreciate me, right?

And speaking of my students, this morning I tried to log onto my email account at Monroe Community College.

But I was locked out.

Because every six months we have to reset our passwords. Pain in the booty.

I’m currently working through Super Heroes combined with a series of uppercase letters and those annoying keys required for extra security. You know: !@#$%^&*()_+.

Those.

So I had to change my password which took four attempts plus a call to the Technology Services Help Desk.

Because I’d forgotten I’d already been W0nderw0man08! and Aquaman09% and Superman10# P0isonIvy11? And the computer won’t let you repeat any part of any identity you’ve ever been before.

By the time I made it in, I was a little cranky.

But then, lo and behold.

I saw this piece of loveliness. (You may have to click on it to appreciate the font more fully.)

You guys, I was instantly pumped up like Arnold Schwarzenegger used to be when he was on steroids.

• And I would like to take this opportunity to thank every English teacher that I have ever had. I’m just positively overwhelmed. And…wow…I’m just so unprepared for a moment like this…
• I would like to thank Laura Ingalls Wilder and Judy Blume. I’d like to thank William Faulkner and and Harper Lee and Kate Chopin and F. Scott Fitzgerald…Omigosh, y’all. You know who you are.
• I’d also like to thank the unattractive green swivel chair in my parents’ house for letting me sit there for hours, escaping to different lands.
• And thanks to all my former students who hit LIKE when I update my status on Facebook, even if my status isn’t interesting or funny. I’m just happy you let me know you are still out there and you haven’t minimized me. Yet.

So once again the universe teaches this twit a lesson.

Life will always be filled with bumps in the road.

But.

Somehow, some truck eventually comes along and some hot dude steps out and takes his shirt off and patches the hole with gravel.

It always works out, y’all.

(Except when it doesn’t.)

Anyway, it’s extra nice to have this happen during my blogoversary month.

And don’t forget, it’s not too late to register for a chance to win Elena Aitken’s SUGAR CRASH.

xoxoRASJ

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My blogging friend, author Elena Aitken, is offering an e-book copy of her new book Sugar Crash.

The book features Darci, a single mother working hard to raise her daughter after her husband dies. Everything is rolling along pretty well until Taylor is hospitalized and receives a diagnosis of diabetes, which rocks their world. And because Darci doesn’t like to ask for help, she finds her job in jeopardy. Even though the book is about diabetes, it is truly a survivor story – and a story about learning to lean on others in a time of need.

I read Sugar Crash while I was on vacation, and I couldn’t put it down.

Read Elena’s blog, LIKE her on Facebook and follow her @ElenaAitken.

Check out my interview with Elena about her new book & answer the question at the end for a chance to win a copy!

• • •

rasj: Hey Elena, readers know from your Prologue that writing this book was deeply personal for you because you have a friend who went through something like this.  How is that child doing now?

Elena: Well, that ‘child’ will be celebrating her fortieth birthday this fall and has lived with Type 1 diabetes for thirty years.

rasj: Shut the front door! That is soooo cool!

Elena: I am proud to call Deb my friend. She is an amazing role model for not only those with diabetes, but everyone. She’s a busy mother of 8-year-old twins and has run a few full marathons, more half-marathons than I can count and is also a triathlete, having recently completed her first Olympic distance tri. Deb wears an insulin pump now and has actually represented the company that manufactures the pump in an international running event and she is always raising money for The Canadian Diabetes Association. Diabetes doesn’t slow her down even a little!

rasj: She sounds like an incredible person! I like how you show Darci trying to trust her 12-year old daughter to make the right decisions about her health and manage her own sugar readings. I think that is one of the best parts of the book – and probably one of the most confusing things in real life for parents with kids with diabetes. Are you able to speak to how parents of children with diabetes ever feel safe enough to let their children participate in sports (like Darci does) or go to overnight camps — especially when the consequences of mismanaging one’s blood sugar can result in seizures or death?

Elena: I think, as parents, we all struggle with letting go when it comes to our kids, but it would be much harder in Darci’s situation. Ultimately, I think it would depend on the family dynamic, but in my personal opinion, I believe it would be crucial to let your child resume their normal activities as much as possible. With the right education and awareness of course. Something like diabetes, while most definitely a huge lifestyle consideration, shouldn’t define a child. They still have to be kids.

rasj: What was the hardest thing you had to do while researching to write this book?

Elena: Because so much of this book is based on the actual experiences of my good friend, I was very fortunate in that she was so open and willing to share with me. She set me straight on more than one detail. But that was also the hardest part. Because she is so close to the story I was terrified of what she would think of it. It is obviously a fictionalized version, but it still struck pretty close to home for her and I held my breath the entire time she was reading the first draft.

 rasj: I adore the romance that you slowly create between Coach Cam and Taylor’s very hesitant mom, Darci. What part of this book do you love the best?

Elena: I have two favorite parts. The first was when Darci and Taylor were in the hospital and Darci realized she couldn’t make Taylor’s ‘owie’ go away. That would be an incredibly difficult moment for a mother. The second was the very end, when Darci and Cam were standing in the race corral getting ready to run. I think it’s very symbolic and it gave me chills when I wrote it.

rasj: What is one question no one has asked you but you wish they would?

Elena: No one has asked me who my favorite character in this book is.

rasj: Really? I was going to ask that but I figured you’ve been asked a skillion times. So?

Elena: I loved Darci and Taylor of course. BUT, Barb was spunky and fun and — her best quality – she stood up for her friend, defending her in front of a crowd. And THAT is one of the best qualities you can hope for in a friend.

• • •

For a chance to win a copy:

Leave a comment about a fear you have had to face.

Tweet for another chance.

Facebook share for a third.

Leave a separate comment for each thing you do so I know you did these things.

Tweet and share as many times as you’d like for extra chances to win.

This contest closes on May 14 when I open a new contest. All blogoversary winners will be determined via Random Number Generator, and all winners will be announced on June 2nd — once I figure everything out.

Tweet this Twit @rasjacobson

I don’t know if you’ve seen the latest meme being passed around the interwebs, but it’s called Lucky 7, and I was tagged by Shannyn Schroeder and Fabio Bueno to share some writing from my WIP.

Like most things that get passed around, Lucky 7 causes headache, nausea and vomiting has its own set of rules. Here’s what you are supposed to do:

Open your WIP (work in progress) and:

1. Go to page 77

2. Go to line 7 on that page

3. Copy the next 7 lines, sentences, or paragraphs as they are written.

4. Tag 7 authors who are also have Works in Progress.

I’m petrified but here I go:

Adina locked the bathroom door and climbed into the bathtub with the telephone. She laid down as flat as she could and tried to make herself invisible. Her fingers shook. She didn’t know what to do. It never occurred to her to call the police. She didn’t know the number, and 911 service wasn’t available in 1977. As Adina stuck her fingers into the round holes and dialed Jodi’s digits, she cursed her family’s rotary phones.

Adina waited one hundred years in that bathtub. The tap dripped 264 times. Time enough for an ocean to smooth a stone. Time enough for moss to grow on tree trunks. When Jodi finally answered, Adina whispered into the mouthpiece. “There are people in my house!”

“Why are you whispering?” Jodi shouted in Adina’s ear. “I can’t hear you.”

Adina’s lungs felt too small in her chest. “We’re being robbed! And I’m in the house!” Adina felt something inside her telling her to run, but she felt an equal and opposite force demanding that she remain perfectly still.

“Omigosh!” Jodi was whispering now. “Deen, can you get out?”

Adina pressed her back against the white porcelain tub. She strained to figure out the whereabouts of the intruders. They sounded far away, but she couldn’t be sure. Adina heard laughter, so she knew there were a few of them. She heard silverware clanking. It could’ve been her father banging around, preparing to eat his evening orange, meticulously pulling apart each section and reading the newspaper. Except it wasn’t.

They’re in the kitchen, Adina reasoned. And while her brain wanted to make a run for it, her body was paralyzed.

My feelings right now can best be summed up in a line from a song by Gloria Gaynor. “At first I was afraid, I was petrified…” Because it’s scary to put your baby out into the world. Especially when he’s not yet ready for prime time.

The 7 authors I’d like to tag are:

1. El Farris
2. Deb Bryan
3. Leanne Shirtliffe
4. Catie Rhodes
5. Kathy Owen
6. Gene Lempp
7. Ellie Ann Soderstrom

So, um, like… what do you think? And what can you get from 7 paragraphs?

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I had never heard of her before December 2011.

But I had been looking for a bunch of bloggers to write about Hanukkah and the marvelous Nina Badzin suggested I contact Rivki.

What a find!

Rivki writes a blog called Life In The Married Lane.

An observant Jew, she writes some fabulous (and often funny) posts of Jewish interest where she demystifies a lot about the seemingly mysterious world of Orthodox Jewry in America. She has a great piece about why she covers her head here and here.

Her mission is to inspire others to find meaning in the mundane.  She shares household tips, parenting advice {and foibles}, relationship stuff, menu planning and more. She also loves garden gnomes and…um, she likes to lie on a carpet and smell the fibers. Right. Also she has this weird thing she can do with her tongue.

Okay bazinga.

Why am I going on and on about Rivki Silver?

And is all that true?

Well, the part about her being a very good writer is. I don’t know about the gnomes. Or the carpet. And I have no idea what she can or cannot do with he tongue. (You would have to talk to her husband. Or maybe her dentist.)

I’m writing about Rivki because she won the “What the deuce is a Huffaloftus?” poll by a landslide! And telling all my readers about her greatness was the prize.

So check out her blog. And her Facebook page. And you can stalk her on Twitter @RivkiSilver.

Guaranteed her posts will teach you something new.

Now it’s your turn to spread a little mischievous fun.

Write 25 words about a favorite blogger. (Be sure to tell us the name and URL of the blog to which that person is attached.) Oh, and don’t be afraid to fiction it up a little. After all, it is April Fools’ Day. And be sure to direct that person to the words you leave here. That person might have a thing or two to say about you!

Tweet this twit @rasjacobson

Where have I been all day?

What do you mean?

I’ve been out having a fabulous day, that’s where I’ve been.

Just like Ferris would have wanted me to.

First, I went to Victoria’s Secret and tried on underwear.

It’s true.

Then I had an iced latte.

Then I danced for a while. Afterwards, I took a shower and gave myself a cool hairdo.

I did.

Seriously.

In case you haven’t heard, Ferris Bueller has made it to the Semi-Finals of Clay Morgan‘s March Movie Madness tournament.

Now Ferris needs your support (again) to make it to the finals of this Best Movie Protagonist competition.

Ferris is up against some stiff competition, namely Westley from The Princess Bride. I can hear you moaning now. Some of you are bound to love The Princess Bride. I know. It’s a great flick, but I have serious reasons as to why Westley needs to go down.

• Westley has a mustache that looks like a third eyebrow.
• Westley has a decidedly un-sexy ponytail.
• Westley is “mostly dead” for much of the movie.

Seriously is this the kind of hero you want to come out on top? Don’t get me wrong, Westley has some witty lines, but I don’t think he is really an epic hero.

So why should you vote for Ferris Bueller?

• Ferris is always alive during the entire movie. He is never even partially dead.
• Ferris is always there for his friends and his love.
• Ferris is never attacked by Rodents of Unusual Size. In fact, Ferris would have been able to charm the rodents and make them love him.
• Ferris is able to do something to the time/space continuum so that he was able to do more than any one person could do in a single day. That’s because Ferris is magic.
• Ferris does everything we wish we could have done but were too afraid to do — and he never gets caught.
• And of course, there’s the whole joie de vivre/seize the day/live life to the fullest because you might not be here tomorrow thing.

So this is (almost) it.

Click over and SAVE FERRIS one more time. You have until noon EST Saturday to do it.

Should Ferris win the whole thing, I will sing a song with all the names of the people who helped bring me to that final victory. So if you’d like to hear your name in song… SAVE FERRIS.

Enjoy this clip my family helped me make to show you how much I am in it to win it.

On an unrelated note, what are you wearing right now?

Tweet this Twit @rasjacobson

I am fighting to save Ferris Bueller as the greatest movie protagonist in Clay Morgan’s 2nd Annual March Movie Madness Contest.

People have accused Ferris as being a slacker.

Not so.

Ferris was before his time.

He started tackling his Bucket List before people knew what Bucket Lists were.

He was never lazy.

He was a doer.

He thought outside the box.

He knew how to be a friend.

He knew how to sweet talk his parents, the lunch lady, and the school nurse.

He always had a Plan A and a Plan B and a Plan C.

Because he was smooth.

He knew how to work the system.

Everyone loves Ferris.

Why does everyone love Ferris Bueller?

Because he is on a universal quest to have fun.

He takes risks: not dangerous ones. But he does the crazy, silly things we wish we might be brave enough to do. That kind of ethos that will always triumph. He’s the friend we all wish we had.

Sure, Ferris is a rich kid who has almost nothing to complain about.

And guess what? He doesn’t.

He helps his friends during their darkest hours.

He shows them love.

And a good time.

He reminds us all to cherish every moment of every day.

And this is why you have to go over to Educlaytion and vote to SAVE FERRIS right now!

The polls are open this moment!

Today Ferris is up against Maria Von Trapp from the Sound of Music.

I’ll admit, Maria is pretty awesome.

And she can sing “doe a deer” like nobody’s business.

But VOTE FERRIS BUELLER!

Oh, I am not above trying to sweeten the pot.

BLOGGERS: If you vote to SAVE FERRIS and leave me a comment, I will tweet your current blog post.

NON-BLOGGERS: I will make a vlog and create some kind of crazy song where I sing the names of everyone who votes for me. That’s right, I will get the names from Clay and create a vlog of gratitude.

I might even be on a float.

Danke Schoen.

“Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself.” – Ferris Bueller 

Look at the brackets. Who do you think is going all the way? IYKWIM.

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A while back, I saw this woman at a party.

She looked like a goddess.

Her dress was one of those long Grecian-inspired things that draped her body perfectly. She was lithe and long, and I’m pretty sure she was a size 00.

Now, I am no shopper, but I had never seen anything like that dress in any store remotely near Rochester, New York. I couldn’t help myself.

I drifted away from my husband and walked right up to The Goddess who was accompanied by a man at least twice her age.

Because I am incredible classy, I introduced myself. We shook hands, and then I stated flat out: “You look freakin’ awesome in that dress!”

The Goddess ran her fingernails through her hair and gave me a pretend blush. Because she knew she looked like Heidi Klum. Then she leaned in as if she was about to tell me the world’s best secret. “People always stare at me in my dresses,” she confided.

I knew she didn’t mean for this to come out as arrogantly as it sounded. She was just gorgeous and stupid and young. Plus, I could tell she was sitting on something big. And I figured if I could tolerate her just listened a little bit longer, then I’d be in on it, too.

“What I mean is lots of times I see people staring at my dresses, and I wish they would just ask me where I got them so I could tell them.”

I knew she wasn’t a total bitch.

“I swear I want to shout it from the rooftops!” she exclaimed.

The build-up was tremendous.

“Have you ever heard of Rent the Runway?” she asked.

I shook my head, clueless.

“Omigosh!” The Goddess grabbed my wrist and did a little pee-pee crouch. “It’s the best thing ever. I’m one of those people who hates wearing the same dress twice, you know what I mean?”

I nodded, but honestly. No. I didn’t know what she meant. I have a closet filled with dresses I wear over and over again.

The Goddess continued, “Rent the Runway is this company that leases designer dresses and accessories for … like…up to 85% off retail.”

I looked at The Goddess and watched her perfectly shaped lips.

“You pick a dress style that you like, choose two sizes — the one that you think is most likely to fit and another size as a backup in case you guessed wrong. They ship the dress to you for four days, and after you are done using it you mail it back. You can rent dresses that would normally be, like $1,000 for between $275 and $400,” she gushed. “And the best part is that you always have a new dress! How awesome is that?”

I looked at this pretty young thing like she had 7 heads.

Talk about coming from totally different worlds.

1. I would never. I can’t even imagine spending between $275-$400 on a new dress, let alone one someone else has already worn. Even my wedding dress was $212 off the rack.

2. The douche-bag factor. I would never admit to spending hundreds of dollars on a rented dress because my friends would think I was the most arrogant snob in the world. Not to get all preachy, but – excuse me while I get on my high horse for a moment – people are being foreclosed upon. I have taught homeless students who have had to sleep in Walmart for lack of a place to go. Families are living in hotel rooms that cost $50 per night. How could I ever, in good conscience, rent a dress that I knew could house them for a week? Or, at least, feed them for a few days?

3. I like re-runs. I have watched The Shawshank Redemption dozens of times. I never get tired of it. Same goes for clothes. If I see an outfit that I actually love, I want it. And I want to wear it again. I wear my party dresses so infrequently that I am actually excited when I pull them out of the closet. They are like old friends that I haven’t seen in a while. And because I shop carefully and try to avoid trends, I generally do fine.

4. I rely on friends. Some of my friends happen to be the same size as I am. I can’t tell you how many times my friend Cindy and I have swapped dresses. I actually met my friend Rachel while trying on dresses. Yes, I invited a total stranger over to my house; then she invited me over to her house. We stripped off our clothes in front of each other and ended up doing a dress swap. Now that’s a “How We Met” story!

5. I’m cheap. I have pretty good luck at Marshall’s. What can I say? Some of us just weren’t made for high fashion.

I tried to appreciate the delicious kernel of awesomeness that The Goddess had bestowed upon me.

I couldn’t get past the idea that standing before me was this young woman who loved fashion so much that she was willing to spend a good portion of money on a dress that she was only going to wear once and then have to return.

“How can you afford this?” I asked. “I don’t get it.”

The Goddess smirked and whispered from behind one manicured hand, “Oh, I get my dates to pay.”

As if on cue, the old man her date beckoned, she waved good-bye, took her escort’s arm (or maybe she was the escort), and together they went off. I watched as the train of her white gown slowly swirled around a corner, kind of like expensive toilet paper does as it disappears down the drain.

What do you think of the idea of renting clothes? Has anyone ever done it? What was your experience like?

Tweet this twit @rasjacobson

I’m in an airplane.

Seriously.

I’m stuck on an airplane right now as Clay Morgan opens the polls for Day 4 of his Second Annual March Movie Madness Contest.

I picked Ferris Bueller as the movie protagonist that I am prepared to fight for.

Because Ferris knows how to be a friend.

He knows how to sweet talk his parents, the lunch lady, and the school nurse.

He always has a Plan A and a Plan B and a Plan C.

Because he is smooth.

He knows how to work the system.

Everyone loves him.

Only Principal Rooney, Ferris’s nemesis, doesn’t appreciate the gifts that Ferris bestows to the world.

Even his sister, who claims to hate him, comes through for Ferris in the end.

So why does everyone love Ferris Bueller?

Because he is on a universal quest to have fun.

He takes risks: not dangerous ones.

He does the crazy, silly things we wish we might be brave enough to do.

It is that kind of ethos that will always triumph.

Sure, Ferris is a rich kid who has almost nothing to complain about.

And guess what? He doesn’t.

He helps his friends overcome their fears.

He shows them love.

And a good time.

He reminds us all to cherish every moment of every day.

And this is why you have to go over to Clay’s blog and vote for me Ferris right now!

The polls open at noon.

I don’t even know who Ferris is up against.

But VOTE FERRIS BUELLER!

Do it for the little, geeky rebellious part of you that aspires to do something a little naughty.

Like sing Danke Schoen in public.

On a float.

And say something nice to Clay while you are there!

Look at the brackets. Who do you think is going all the way? IYKWIM.

Tweet This Twit @rasjacobson

When I was introduced to Nina Badzin’s blog, I turned into Usher and was like…”Oh my gosh, I’m so in love, I found you finally…”

Seriously, I fell pretty hard.

Nina tells it like it is.

If you read my introduction to her recent guest post here, you’ll see why I’m so excited to be a guest blogger at Nina’s today.

But

I’m also scared.

I’ve written about an issue that’s been hard for me to deal with in the past: toxic people.

Intriqued?

Follow me to Nina Badzin’s Blog, where I spill the rest of the story.

Click on Nina’s button, and you’ll be magically transported to Minnesota. (Or just click on the big, bold blue link above.)

Comments are closed here, but I will be hanging out in Minnesota — waiting to respond to your words!

I really did.

I did not mean to tease.

It was not a big media stunt to announce that I was going to post something big on 3/13 and then not follow through.

I’m not that kind of girl.

But.

I talked to a few people who advised me against doing it.

And then I talked to Kristen Lamb who wrote this blog in response to my dilemma.

Yeah, the thing I planned to write was something that was going to offend somebody.

And even though Kristen said “every word of my post” was “illuminated in excellence,” she also said it wouldn’t be smart to post it.

I have wrestled with this: how much of me to share, how much to keep private.

If you’ve been here for a while, you have seen me dance, heard me talk, read emails I have received, been with me when I fell down a flight of stairs. You’ve been stuck in elevators with me and seen me fret over students who cheat and students who bully. You’ve seen me meltdown. You have come to know me as a parent and a teacher. And, of course, a silly doofus.

This other piece of me — while it is decidedly me — isn’t right for the blog.

Kristen helped me understand that being mindful about what I put out to the world does not mean I am weak.

That choosing not to publish my piece is not an act of cowardice.

I can still write pieces like the one I had planned to post here today.

But.

It doesn’t mean that everything I write has to be published here.

What do you think? Is your life an open book? Will you write about anything? Or are these places that you are not willing to go? How do you determine your boundaries about what you share and what you keep to yourself?

If you feel cheated and would like to read one of my favorite old posts that got very little traffic back in the day, click here.